My beautiful editrix has informed me that beginning this venture with the admission that I don't know what I'm doing may be taken as more than just the jocular confession of ignorance towards the blogging software that I intended it to be. My response to this is to say
I don't give a fuck thank you, Love, for pointing that out!
In all seriousness, though, this won't be the last thing I write that will likely be misconstrued. I'll probably go deeper into this particular facet of my personality or, more likely, how it impinges on the world around me, but suffice to say I have a modestly unique way of looking at things. I know, JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE! Yeah. However, seeing as this isn't Tumblr and I'm no Special Snowflake, I'll just shortcut this and just describe myself as wryer than the average bear. It will do in a pinch and will probably save time and confusion to remember that the odds of my being completely sincere only run between about 0.7 and 0.9. If the topic is myself, that can drop as low as 0.3...
In addition, if you are a literalist pedant who is the author many a dead conversational topic owing to your particular fetish, I have this to say to you: welcome, you are among friends! However, I must insist on having a sense of humor about it, as my own wry sensibilities largely stem from a penchant for pedantry and the constant struggle against it. I mean, there's nothing like realizing that the conversation just died because I dissected the last three people's arguments in a hair-splitting analysis that involved Crimean War similes and a tortured metaphor that left all eyes glazed. Seriously, I've done this.
Anyhow, tl;dr: I make a lot of off the wall and often very wry jokes, frequently at my own expense. I usually don't mean them. If you can't see the humor in that, well, I can, and I think I'm funny.
Everything else about me falls into place if you can just remember that last fact.